LETTER TO DAMARIS
Damaris,
I just receive a Happy-Holiday-note from my manager. It's a simple text that she
download from the internet about:
How to make Happiness a Habit. I read it and I realize I always make myself miserable,
and therefore making you miserable
too. How come I do all the things wrong and never realise it until now?
The first tip says something like: when negative thought come up, we have to stop
and say "cancel". I've never done
this before! I always let my imagination take me to a darker darker land. I have
to quit thinking that you will break
my heart, and that you don't love me and that you might mess around with other
guys. I have to quit killing myself and
start realise that even if you break my heart today, I still have the moments I
have spent with you, and those precious
moments are nothing but the best I have, and I should treasure those time, feelings
and fun I had with you, instead of ruin
them by arguements between us.
The second tip says: give happiness your best shot, try to keep the feeling they
give you alive. Well, I must say I did
try my best to reach out and grap happiness. And even if I can get the whole of
happiness (you), I have no regret because
I have tried my best to persuit happiness. I will learn to live with the little
happiness I catch out of the whole happiness
I pursuit, yes, I have to keep those feelings of happiness alive even if you don't
love me the way I want you to love me. I don't
do too bad in going after what I want, do I?
The third tip says: pratice being happy, smile and make yourself appear to be
happy. This is hard, especially for a person
like me. I always try to be on the edges of life, to be on the extreme side of
things! You ask me last night if I think
loving you is a wrong thing, I hesistate to answer, but now I know the answer is
"no". It's perfectly right to love you,
because when I am with you, I am so happy, I don't have to pretend I am happy, I
don't have to try to smile, and even if
you don't see me smiling, I must tell you I am smiling inside, I am so proud to be
seen with you.
The four tip says: go out my way to contribute to other's happiness. I think I have
always do this for you and I will continue
to do this even though after our fight last night, I don't think I will contact
you again. But you know what? I love you so
much to quit doing things for you, and even if I am not sure I can keep this
positive attitude for long, I will try to do my
best to let you know that I'll always love you like the first moment I fall in
love with you. And think about me every time
you are in bad time, because how many people out there can say it out loud that
"life can take all I have, but the one thing
I will never lose, and noone can take it from me, is HIS LOVE FOR ME". And you have
to believe me, you can say this.
The fifth tip says: being less critical of other faults, failings and mistakes. I
guess I have learn a lot of this through our short
relationship. I won't change to be the person like you, love little and avoid
getting hurt. I will love like never love before,
and I will accept pains from being like that. I won't change a thing to turn
myself into a machine. But I will be more
tolerant and acceptant with people's failings and mistakes, cause I've been there,
done that and damn it, I am continue to do it too.
The sixth tip says: instead of trying to be 100% happy, try to be 1% happier in a
hundred ways. I should be able to do this.
I don't have you, your heart, that's a big lost. But feelings and moments I have
with you can be count for 1% happiness, plus
what I have achieve in life (1%), my parents love me (I hope, 1%), my brother and
friends (1%)... Hey in a day, I have come up
with 4% happiness, I only have 96% happiness to find, not bad for one day, right.
You must have thought I am on drug, no, I am
not on drug, I am just happy about the time I spent with you and I am happier when
I KNOW that NO-ONE can LOVE you
MORE than I DO. Maybe this can be count for another 1% happiness.
The seventh tip says: Don't try to be happy every minute. Oh well, that reminds me
I have work to do. I gotta get this letter
print out and send it to you and get back to work. Maybe doing one thing for you
per day make me happy the whole day, I'll
try it. Oh and if I can't follow what I talk about here, it's only because I
under-estimate my LOVE for you! Forgive me for
everytime I make you mad, like last night.
I LOVE YOU,
Dan
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